It’s understandable for the human mind to wander in the face of so many responsibilities and unfavorable situations. In one of those careless detours my imagination takes, I found myself meandering in desperation. The power outage delayed the ability of completing and turning in the essays on time. Don’t worry about me! I’ve been between awake and asleep since yesterday 7 pm. But GOD. Have I mentioned that He’s good? Yes he is! Everything worked out just fine. However, I couldn’t really say I was exactly bursting with shouts of joy before that. When your brain has been tired of doing homework, projects, essays and reading a bunch of material, it’s safe to say that there’s a tendency to feel depressed or anxious. At least for a short amount of time that is. As I laid on the sofa, staring at the living room ceiling, I realized how incredibly overwhelming my thoughts had become. A few hours before the rain, hail, and power outage I was celebrating what seemed to be a sweet victory. I knew for sure God was going to let me finish my homework on time, but I wasn’t expecting that blackout. Oh baby. It was bad. My efforts of converting a potato into a primitive source outlet for my phone was useless. Two pennies and two galvanized screws were used, but nothing. Yes…I actually put pennies and screws in a potato. Don’t judge! Potato as a portable charger? It’s a real thing. Google it.
The saddest thing that happened was not that the potato experiment didn’t work. It wasn’t that the power came back around midnight. It wasn’t that the internet connection wasn’t fixed until 11 am today. It was what I wrote on my phone before going to bed.
Lord, help me get over the pain of being alone during this season. Help me become unbothered by the lack of support and the overwhelming presence of disloyalty. Help me not hurt myself. Help me pretend. Help me vent. Help me be me with you. Help me live through discouragement. Help me understand that you still see me. Help me not rely on people. Help me not tell people how I really feel. Help me, I am a sinner. Have mercy on me. Please don’t leave me Jesus. I need you. My family needs you.
You saw that? Let me rewind the first sentence. “Lord, help me get over the pain of being alone during this season.”
First of all, who told me I was alone? Isn’t that what the enemy wants us to feel? God is always with us, so how come I felt so overwhelmed to the point of saying that I was alone? On the other side of this interpretation you may be bubbling with all sorts of analysis and conclusions. I’ll tell you what the download extracted from that simple sentence. This is why I encourage people to journal their thoughts and prayers. Sometimes our prayers reveals to us things in the most wonderful way.
There was a dude called Nehemiah. His story is found in the book of Nehemiah. Go figure. I really didn’t want to insult your intelligence, but if you have been around church long enough you need to understand that there’s people like me who were not raised in church who are reading this. I will not give you the whole spiel of his story because it would be too long, but here’s several things you need to know about this fellow:
Let’s focus on #2 for today. He was alone for a while, but for a good reason. I had a mini breakthrough when I realized that God sometimes eliminates things, opportunities, and people, not because they are particularly bad. Sometimes you have to be alone in order to understand what a real leader means. A real leader knows how to wait in silence and praise like David, get out of the pit like Joseph, and be alone like Nehemiah. You see, Nehemiah is not often magnified in the aspect of loneliness, but in the courage of sticking it out with the reconstruction of the city walls. We’ll get to that eventually. Read this:
I went to Jerusalem and stayed there three days. Then at night I started out with a few men. I had not said anything to anyone about what my God had put on my heart to do for Jerusalem. There were no horses with me except the horse I was riding. Nehemiah 2:11-12 ERV
Even horses have meaning in the bible. I will leave that part between you and God, for I don’t know in what season you are in and what is the horse in your season. If that makes sense. Selah.
Isn’t that verse wonderful? So next time you feel down in the dumps, in despair, confused, unacknowledged, overlooked, rejected know this: You are becoming Nehemiah. Every day and every step is part of the journey. We will never arrive or understand everything that happens around us, but we can be certain that God will bestow grace upon us to do the things that we have to do. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortable it may seem not to be cool this season, but remember that Nehemiah didn’t become this focused and courageous man overnight. Talk to God. Ask him how this verse resonates with your life. It has for sure been comforting for my soul. You know sometimes you don’t have to tell everyone the things God is calling you to do. Just be obedient. Even if it gets lonely being a misfit. Being a misfit is better than operating in obedience. Will you pray with me?
Heavenly Father, we love you. We know you are close. Help us not grow weary when the only company we have is a horse. Help us not give up when we see the ruins. Help us not give in to intimidation when the assignment is in front of us. Help us not disclose any private information about future projects or instructions unless you give us permission to do so. Help us treasure the things you share with us and store them in our hearts like Mary. Help us get over the pain and the need of having people around us all the time to talk to you, trust you, and be honest with you. We praise you. Amen
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