I sit ever so quiet in my usual corner. It's not any kind of corner you can randomly choose in a partially empty room or the only option you have left in a messy room. I like to call it my ‘War Corner’. For those of you that have seen the movie The War Room, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you that have no idea, go watch it. You can thank me later. This cozy place of mine seems lively with the comforter that serves as a rug. The vibrant colors make journaling, praying, reading, and drawing more comforting experience. Stuffed animals, pillows, a large whiteboard, and a convenient wall power outlet are the witnesses of my laughs, tears, profound conversations, and silly ones too. The walls surrounding me contains little to no décor. This is the only prison like element that exists in my bedroom. That will be fixed sometime soon as the holidays are right around the corner. This bedroom of mine is my boarding station. Today I decide to start this blog, to help others as much as I can. I would be lying to say that this is exciting; writing this first entry. It is nerve racking to say the least. But I feel the necessity of sharing my inner thoughts and reflections on this topic. This blog will be discussing topics such as verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. This blog is a train, and you the reader a passenger. Of course, only if you would like to be one. There’s plenty of room here for those who enjoy partaking in long road trips with friends. And if you’ve read till this point, then I may I suggest that this may be the birth of an awesome friendship. I must advert to the possible obstacles of this journey. To do so would be very irresponsible on my behalf. There will be times where the view won’t be of beautiful mountain ranges, clear skies, well maintained sidewalks, and big traffic signs. I will share bits and pieces of my story and things I’ve been learning in this healing process. For those that may have not experienced some of the things that will be discussed, don’t think this doesn’t apply to you and discard it. It would be very helpful to share with friends and loved ones that have been through the same, this way they won’t feel alone. I am no expert in healing, since that is God’s area of expertise, however I have pondered how the lack of it as affected my life. Survivors will often say this: “I went through that, and turned the page.” Well after repeating this statement for years, I realized that neither I had turned the page, or even caught a glimpse of the exit sign of such events. Because sometimes the memories come back, and it’s like reliving everything again. God has been putting this blog on my heart for a while and time after time I’ve been postponing it. One word: disobedience. This is a fitting example of how the root of procrastination is not always based on laziness, but fear, intimidation, shame, and anxiety.
With no idea how, this blog will turn out, I humbly invite you to sit wherever you like. I don’t know if you like trains or not, but we’ll make it through this journey. If you’d prefer to be on a cruise ship or an airplane, that’s up to you. (I personally like trains.) God has been teaching me the power of vulnerability and that courage is not the synonym of pity. Although sadly, in this society there are those who prey to shame individuals for their testimony. This ruthless and outrageous world we live in is contaminated with lies and voices of shame. I think it’s time to step up as children of God and take hold of the truth with no shame. Also, huge disclaimer: you don’t have to believe to belong. I am no Neo or a Marvel superhero. I am no certified counselor or therapist by any means. I am a 22-year-old college student, who is sick and tired of hiding and putting on hold the dreams of my life due to what was done to me. My name is Lolli, and this is my journey.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."