Do you want to know a secret? Secrets kill people. I compare them to a clever clan of misfits that quietly invade the city of your thoughts. Next thing you know they overthrow the dopamine and endorphin in your neurological system. These outlaws kidnap your dreams and brainwash your conscious. This sounds like the initial scene of an action movie. Oh dear, but it is so real that it’s far from being theatrical. Both of us know what secret we’re talking about. That thing or those things. What happened. Whatever code word you want to use, we both know.
Now, suppose that we were discussing this matter at a coffee shop. Not the silent kind where even silence is paranoid of the slightest noise, but an amicable place. Somewhere where people are so drawn into their conversation that they wouldn’t even realize of our existence. I would honestly ask you if anyone knows, if you have told someone you can trust. If you haven’t then I understand. It’s unnerving and overwhelming. If you haven’t told anyone about the abuse, it can be due to the following reasons:
Whatever your reason may be, I understand. My dear friend, I’m sorry for your loss of innocence and privacy. However, I love you too much for you to stay in your personal Patmos; exiled by the enemy itself and condemned by lies. May I submit under your consideration that God cares? You might be thinking: “Yeah right.” “Where was God during the abuse?”
There’s three things you need to know about Jesus Christ:
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely, he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,[a]lama sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
If you need hope and need a new kind of relationship click here.
The first step towards healing is telling someone. I know the death you are experiencing inside your soul. If it can be described in one word, it would be hopelessness. When you were abused you were snatched from hope twice; while you were being abused and afterwards when the threats of the abuser came. Proverbs 13:12 states the following: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Your heart has been sick by the silence and what you’re longing for is to express everything without feeling judgement and further shame. You also long for justice, but do not worry because God will take care of that too. We can discuss that in another conversation.
Partnering with silence is like befriending your enemy. Silence is a concept to be discerned. Silence can be helpful at times, but it can also lead to frustration. You may be wondering how it is easy for me to talk about this. Well I’ve been in your shoes. I was 16 years old when I started having weird flashbacks. Much of my childhood I felt violated and unrepresentative. I never understood why, because I was never approached with lewdness by a male. And then after a thorough introspection of this disturbing suspicion I realized it was all too true. I remembered everything. My memory was bombarded with close ups of white foam from violent waves. The kind of vision you get when you get distracted on the shore and before you know it, you’re swept away gasping for air trying to direct your eyes towards a safe place. I was still confused. You know why? Because it wasn’t a man who sexually abused me. Surely, I was emotionally, physically, and verbally abused by another male relative, but not sexually. Who did this was a woman. My grandmother to be exact. After this alarming exposé, I texted my sister. She reassured me and told me I wasn’t crazy because other people have experienced the same thing that happened to me. For months I felt like a dirty walking failure. This reminds me of the birthmark on my knee that is similarly shaped as Cuba. I remembered as a girl how I’d vigorously try to wipe it off with a wet Bounty paper towel. I cried because I felt dirty. I hated that birthmark. That’s how I felt for months. I thought If I’d tell my parents about it they would not believe me and kick me out of the house. It’s hard confronting your parents and expressing between the lines that one of their parents is a pedophile. I did tell. They hugged me. They cried with me. My dad was furious about what happened. My mom wept and wept. They asked me why didn’t I tell. Along with the reasons I stated just now, I can honestly say that the memories were suppressed until I was 16. They came out of the blue. I think something triggered my mind that moment to remember everything. We can discuss the suppression of memories in another conversation.
If you have a good friend you can trust, then great! However, if you’re skeptical about the whole reaction thing, I would suggest for you to ask the Lord to show and guide you. He will lead you to talk to people that are trustworthy. It may be the pastor of your church, a neighbor you’ve known for years, a family member etc. If for some reason the person doesn’t believe you, makes you think you made it up, makes you feel as if it was your fault because of what you did or didn’t do…please find new friends! I’ve had my share of awkward experiences of people that didn’t believe me because they thought I was narrating a Lifetime movie instead of my life. Some people think you are searching for attention, but I know what you are searching for, and that is validation. Don’t let the responses of people with low emotional quotient discourage you. You would be surprised of how supportive and loving people will be towards you once you share. The right people that is! Many people you consider as acquaintances or friends may have gone through the same and you might not even know it! I dare you to be brave and step out of the boat. Leave Patmos behind and peace out!
Well it’s getting kind of late. The customers are clearing out their tables and throwing their cups away. Those baristas look exhausted. I think we should probably get going. They deserve to go home, relax and watch Netflix. Before we go will you pray with me?
Thank you for this time together in your Word. We thank you for your presence. We thank you for your grace and compassion. Thank you for the revelation of freedom. Please guard the hearts and minds of those who have been humiliated with peace. We ask for courage as those step out and confess to a good friend what happened. We pray those friends will be understanding and loving. May your Spirit comfort them with your peace and hope.
We pray these things in your precious name Jesus. Amen.
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.