my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.
I want you to feel comfortable as we discuss how to get over it. Whatever that it is for you. As I write this at 2:57 a.m., what I wonder the most is whether there's anyone awake. I bet you're reading this at a coherent time, say midday or something like that. For comfort purposes, I imagine myself talking to you at this time in a big living room with a fire. I don't think Starbucks is open at this hour, well at least not around where I live. My heart has been silent during these couple of days. I've been thinking about this topic a lot. I hope today's blog helps you see things differently and to walk in freedom.
Fact: We all need to let go.
One of the things that I struggle with on a daily basis is letting go of my past. Whether that consist of unpleasant or irreplaceable memories, it is quite hard for me. A while back, I met with a friend. She told me that I had to let go of my past once and for all. I glanced at her as a small dog would glance at a peculiar thing. Only she wasn't peculiar nor a thing, plus she had a great point. I internally tilted my head to avoid any comparison with canine behavior. After the meeting, I walked out the coffee shop perfectly confused with her comment. I knew she meant well, but I had no idea what to do. Have you ever heard the phrase: "Just get over it?" I couldn't help but listen to the voices of those who have expressed this phrase for many situations in my life. I asked myself why is it so hard to let go. I asked myself what were the specific things I had to let go of. I pondered for days. I meditated on the phrase. I sat for countless of hours in silence just thinking about it. "Just get over it", I mumbled under my breath. "Just let go." "You can let go." Whispered my brain. Then I asked myself these series of questions: "If my past is so horrible, why don't I want to let go?...Because if you wanted to do it, you would've done so already. This simple act implies that you are content with embracing your past. What's up with that?" Do you talk to yourself like this? I hope I'm not weird. This was the data recollected after this introspective journey with honesty: I was terrified. You see, although things were bad, there were also good things in my past. Large family gatherings, sleep overs, hanging out next to the bay back home at 3 a.m., innocent school pranks, endless movie nights with my best friend, waking up early to go to the beach, high school inside jokes, certain songs, frequented places, favorite movies, friendships, school dances, piano recitals, dance recitals, talent shows, modeling, etc.
My problem with letting go:
I was scared of letting go of the good and bad memories because I had believed the lie.
This was the lie: Your best and worst days are in your past. It can't get any better or any worse than this. I had no hope. The saddest part about this is I discovered this recently. I am only 22. I wonder the amount of people believing that lie at age 56. I yielded the way for despair, hopelessness, and disappointment. These strongholds served as residency for the lie. If you would've asked me about having faith for a better future, I would've answered as my mother does when something is nonexistent in life, such as edible avocados in the state where I live in. (Sorry, had to throw that in there! Raised in a tropical island remember?)
"It shines with its absence" she'd often remark, turn around, and shake her head. She is one hilarious woman indeed. I was terrified that somehow, if I would "forget" the bad things that happened to me, that they would happen again. "Remember how that guy hurt you? Don't you even think about it this time. Don't you ever forget how your Prom Date never showed up. Don't forget about how the other guy just wanted your attention. Don't ever let those things happen again." "Remember how much fun you had that Christmas? This Christmas can't possibly compare."
Why couldn't I have faith to believe in a better future? Because of ignorance. It wasn't masochism. How can you describe light to a person who's never seen it? How can I expect you to recall the fragrance of patchouli tones in Giorgio Armani's Si if you have no idea what I am talking about? Ignorance, friend, is the killer hidden in plain sight. "Just get over it?" Get over what? To get where? Use what to get over what? The only convincing theory I had about getting over anything in life was building a bridge. All credits go to the British psalmist, Adele.
"If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently
Don't pretend that you don't want me
Our love ain't water under the bridge."
Water Under The Bridge- Adele
How can I have faith to have a better future when I've been in darkness for so long, that I don’t even remember much about how light operates? How to walk in freedom when it feels unusual? Bondage has been my companionship for so many years? Ignorance can hinder your perspective by using lens of uncertainty. Ignorance is one of the enemy's greatest weapons. Ignorance and Fear belong to the same family. Ignorance grows best in the dark. Ignorance grows in isolation. Ignorance about the important things, hinders us to live in God's will. Ignorance will distort the image of a true loving Father. I'm not talking about: "Oh I am not a doctor, I'm ignorant on medical procedures." That type of ignorance will always exist in this world, as we will never understand 100% how everything works. It's the ignorance of the things we are supposed to know that kill us. You have to turn the light on to see what you're fighting against.
Waking up from Ignorance.
I recently discovered I've had a breathing problem my entire life. This is due to my deviated septum. In simple terms, the cartilage and bone part that's in the middle of your nose, is not straight as it's supposed to be. This blocks air to flow freely through your nose. I thought well people surely breathe like this, I'm just overreacting. Now I understand why most things are so overwhelming to partake in. Recently, I haven't been able to sleep because of this. Not that I've always had a "normal" breathing experience, but it's been getting out of hand lately. I truly believe God allowed this recent discomfort to persist during my sleep to wake me up from ignorance. You have no idea how good it feels to know that what you've been dealing with your entire life
The doctor's report was the light turning on in the midst of darkness. Even if the wait for surgery is hard every day, I rejoice with knowing that there's a promise at the end of the tunnel. As I prepared yesterday for a nap, I thought about all the possible ways things could get worse. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18 held the answer for my multiple questions. I can let go of my past because my future is better. God promises me that. I will hold on to that. Jesus went through so much, so I can rest my hope in Him. The other side of His suffering is joy and honor.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
What a great way to find hope after being through so much! The problem with letting go is ignorance. (At least in my case.) Now I know I can let go. It will be okay. Even if it's a daily process, I can get over it. Get over what? Fear of going through the same. Fear of not encountering fulfilling moments again. To get where? Where faith lives. In the light, of course. Where promises are real and ignorance is a coward.
Friend, I will go to sleep now. Please pray with me.
I pray that the love of the Father reveals to everyone reading this blog, what things they need to be aware of in their life. I pray you will show them the areas where ignorance has taken over their minds. I believe things will never be the same from now on. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.